[January 13, 2011]
Dear softrice fan:
There is a bakery in Manhattan called Ruby et Violette. The indulgent baker sells a cookie called Violet, made of crystallized petals of violet alternate with white chocolate chunks, for a fresh combination that is supposedly sweetly refreshing. With such attractive names, no one can resist against conquering it. I pick Honey off work at Barclays Capital and we march through the snowy streets to our destination.
Ruby et Violette
457 West 50th Street
New York, NY 10019
212.582.6720
www.rubyetviolette.com
Two friendly Caucasian-American girls greet us at their small bakery. The decor is fashionably white bricks, black outlines, two red counter seats at the storefront window, and a few round, white tables and white chairs. Drawings on transparent background decorate their walls, highlighting cartoon models with thick black outlines and one sharp color that capture your attention to a particular piece of fashion. Honey and I look to the chalkboard for the available flavors, but the girls explain that those are for the ice cream, and the refrigerator is not working today. I can live without their ice cream.
With no ice cream for sale, Honey and I look at their cookies on display. The faithful softrice does away with the choosing and demands for the Violet Cookie. Regretfully, the girls say that while they may have many flavors, they do not have them all at once. The Violet Cookie is a springtime cookie. I am a possessive person, so I can authoritatively say that when you do not have it, it means you do not have many flavors. When seasonal flavors come into play, it means you have a seasonal item, or you have a special of the day. You only have a flavor when you make it available every single day (or at least whenever I want it). Without my Violet Cookie on sale, I now revert to making hard choices for what cookies I want for the day.
Honey did not want to stay, so we order them to go. She considers the Stuck on You Cookie, but it is too sticky on the teeth, so she goes with pretty Red Velvet Cookie and a classic Peanut Butter Chip Cookie. Heartbroken over the lack of the Violet Cookie, I consider both Breakup Cookies – His Story and Her Story. Yet they are too depressing for lover to read about, so I go with a cookie with one of her favorite ingredients – Strawberry. The salesgirls tell me that they are out of the Champagne Strawberry Cookie as well. Therefore, they recommend I get the Champagne Strawberry Brownie. I settle and quickly add on a Red Velvet Cookie, for its pretty redness that sets it apart from the other brown cookies.
On our walk for the 1 Train at the 66th Street Station, the hungry Honey unpacks her Red Velvet Cookie from our paper bag and snacks on it. After she has a few bites, I join in. The cookie is supremely soft. You do taste the red velvet, but the dominating taste that remains on your lips is butter. Even from touching the cookie, our fingers were buttery. As good as the cookie is to its name, I do not understand this red velvet craze. It is not my palate preference.
The tragedy that befell this day is unforgivable. How can a bakery named Ruby et Violette not have their Violet Cookie always available for softrice? (No one cares about Ruby.) Honey undresses to the heart of the matter and says I am just obsessed with the name and do not really care for the cookie. Her statement is true beyond a doubt, but there is a reason why we wear clothes in front of most people. She proudly proclaims to know me too well. Upon further thought, Honey does not know if that is a good or bad thing. Of course, it is a good thing. We have another fortune to burn incense and thank our goddess for tonight.
Arriving at AMC Lincoln Square, I say my name to the two friendly girls at the American Express table. One of them checks my name off an exclusive list and gives me two complimentary tickets to the advance screening of The Dilemma. Honey originally thought the theater might refuse us admission, if too many people came, due to such an experience in the past without softrice. The surprise discovery that we have guaranteed seats makes her want to do this again, if I receive similar offers in the future.
Honey wonders whom else I had in mind to come, if she did not say yes. My politically correct answer is that when I received the offer, she was the first one I thought of to ask. Since I am uncannily handsome and irresistibly charming, Honey understandably said yes immediately. I did not have to think about asking someone else. Honey likes my answer and says I am good to her. It is my nature to be good to my people.
We have some time before the movie begins, so the two of us find seating on the third floor and have our cookies. I excitedly undo the wrappings for the Champagne Strawberry Brownie. It is a sophisticated brownie, topped with a drizzle of white chocolate, dried strawberries, and edible gold leaf. As grand as the gold leaf is to make items seem more precious, I rather do without it. Lover likes different, but not cheap gimmicks. This brownie would be a winner with lover if the strawberry flavor were strong and fresh. Sadly, it is neither. I do not taste the champagne either. Only the butter gives Honey and I a mouthful. This is her least favorite treat of our plunders for the night.
Our last dessert from Ruby et Violette is the Peanut Butter Chip Cookie. This simple classic flavor is smooth and creamy, with the strongest texture of our treats. Lover is a fan of peanut butter too, so this was a good choice. However, I seem to taste chocolate more than peanut butter in the cookie. These cookies do not warrant its price or a special trip to the bakery for them. Honey and I share my extra Red Velvet Cookie. She lectures me that I should have gotten a different flavor, so we would have more to try. She is right. I do not make the smartest decisions. I am only good at being faithful, to myself, to lover, and to our cookie. I want Violet!
Food: N/A
Drinks: N/A
Dessert: D
Ambiance: C-
Final: D+
Honey and I make our way to the movie on the second floor. It is a good turnout for a free movie. Yet we still have the best seats in the room. The Dilemma revolves around the plot point if you would tell your best friend that his or her significant other is cheating. There is only a cliché movie if you do not tell, so that is The Dilemma, adding in plenty of humorous moments. In real life, I would tell, with the utmost urgency. It is a bad situation either way, but at least you are dealing with it and therefore containing it within manageable grounds, rather than have it explode in unexpected directions. Honey thought the movie was funny, but it is a tad too long at two hours. My review is the same as hers.
The two of us enjoy a stroll back to 66th Street and take the 3 Train to Times Square. We enjoy another short walk together to Shake Shack. Honey is feeling the urge to fill her grease quota. She mocks me by pointing to the McDonald’s across the street and says that is where we should go. Conveniently, there is a Lace (strip club) next door. In turn, I suggest that as our avenue of entertainment for the night.
Shake Shack
691 Eighth Avenue
New York, NY 10036
646.435.0135
www.shakeshack.com
Without a solution to put the pricier meat at Lace on our expense accounts, Honey and I line up next door for some cheaper patties and buns. An African-American cashier, with no smiles, takes our order. I ask for a Shackburger, Shack Stack, a side of cheese fries, two regular cups of unsweetened ice tea, and their famous custard. The unfriendly fat girl gives me a hard time over my custard order. It is unbelievable and unacceptable to her that I, a paying customer walking into the Shake Shack where she works, am not an expert in ordering custard. My bumpkin logic is that they have custard on their menu and I ordered one. Her seasoned authority on the custard educates me on the art of custard ordering. I have to choose how I want my custard. Since I am ignorant of how many forms I can have my custard, I resort to asking her. The irritated cashier lists the custard available as a shake, a cone, or a concrete. With full knowledge of what a shake and a cone are, I ask for a concrete. My answer is still not good enough for my custard expert. I have to tell her what toppings I want in my concrete now. The smile on my face struggles as I swallow my ignorance once again and politely ask for my options. After hearing our choices, Honey finishes the order and decides on cookie dough for our concrete.
The indifferent African-American cashier does not thank me for my order. Instead, she asks if I am taking out or staying to eat at the park. A novice to this indoor Shake Shack in the Theater District, I had to take a moment to digest what she meant by the park. This would be a perfectly appropriate question at their original Madison Square Park location, where you can only take away or eat at the park, but this is an indoor space! Perhaps if a cute blonde waitress, full of smiles, were cheerily asking me to eat at their restaurant and refer to it as a park, I would take it as clever. Coming from this deadbeat, it is the most retarded reference ever.
The loser hands me my receipt and a buzzer. Her expressionless face is still certified deceased. I know she correctly completed my order, but I actually would like a side of smiles with that! Danny Meyer and the Hospitality Group, please fire this girl.
Honey and I find a couple of free seats at an elevated wooden communal table. It may be pass normal dinnertime, but customers continue to fill Shake Shack. Luckily, we did not have to wait. Those people that came after us have to line up. A few moments of conversation later, our buzzer lights up, and I go up to grab our tray of food, along with straws, napkins, and cups of ketchup and mustard.
The burger fulfillment for the female appetite comes from the Shackburger, with American cheese, lettuce, tomato, and their secret shacksauce. I am contributing to the Shackburger being one of the top ten most photographed foods in the blogosphere. The burger seems petite, but it is a reliable comfort food. It effectively satisfies the burger craving that Honey had.
For my manly appetite and affectionate need to show lover the different wonderful things, which softrice brings to her world, I get the Shack Stack, the cheeseburger and ‘shroom burger team-up as one mighty morphing power burger. Toppings include the usual suspects – lettuce, tomato, and shacksauce. A layer of crispiness breaks apart as I bite into the Portobello mushroom patty, causing the melted mozzarella cheese innards to ooze outwards. The ‘shroom burger top is a more interesting mouthful than the lower common cheeseburger foundation. For my lover whom does not prefer beef, their ‘shroom burger would make a satisfying alternative to have a taste of Shake Shack. However, the party of plants and animals altogether in one monstrous bite presently pleasantly pleases her one and only.
The side of Cheese Fries is an unhealthy disappointment. The shack cheddar and American cheese sauce hardened atop our fries. The kitchen must have left this plate of cheese fries out for a while, because the melted cheese is not fresh. Yet we look down the communal table and see another girl arrive with a plate of hot cheese fries, which looks infinitely better than ours do. Honey and I agree that our fries would have been better off without the cheese.
Our stomachs were already too full, but we do have a special dessert to finish. The custard flavor of the day is honey roasted peanut, and we have it as a concrete. It is dense frozen custard blended at high speed with cookie dough mixed in. I taste none of the honey roasted peanut flavor as I tasted nothing special from the shack sauce in their burgers. This is more like a soft vanilla ice cream with a mix of dark brown cookie dough. It definitely goes down heavy, so Honey and I merely eat half the cup before calling it quits, in light of our health.
Food: D
Drinks: N/A
Dessert: D+
Ambiance: F
Final: D
I used to consider Shake Shack as a New York culinary destination. It was something special from our great city, for tourists to try before leaving. This was before their expansion throughout the city, the country, and the world. Our cashier was a downer, but the food seems smaller and not as good as before too. Our dining space is not even a park! The business is losing its soul, as the company is institutionalizing Shake Shack for mass production in a global economy. Shake Shack seems to be on a downward spiral, now only aspiring to become a better burger chain than McDonald’s is. Danny Meyer is selling out to make more money! (I would gladly do so too, given the opportunity.) After tonight, I am no longer as passionate a fan, but that is nothing against them becoming a more profitable income stream. By the end of our dinner, people were still lining up to put their orders in at this American burger stand. To save Honey from repeating this burger boredom, I recommend her to try Five Guys.
A new man arrives to dine across from Honey and I. He is stuffing himself with all his burger and fries, while conducting business through his earpiece, in this rambunctious environment. He assures the person on the other line that he knows plenty of investors, with a lot of money, whom are interested in projects like this. If they want to move forward, he will set up a meeting between the three parties. I almost want to interrupt and say I need investors with money too! My favorite investor, in me, is lover, and all of you, my loyal fans! As I write this, I wonder, do you want to have sex with my words?
Always in a puff of smoke,
softrice
